When i say - can i u lend me some money-

after all the battle and the war, i am still the queen of my dome dido said that in This land is mine

look how jason mraz said that -to hold your own, knows your name and gone your on way.

listen when celine dion sing in Il divo -to follow your heart let the light led trough the darkness-

This is about how is it feel be embarrassing, about feel ashamed. Since i am really kind of human which is -to proud of her self-, to arrogant to askin for help from other people. cos i thought i can stand on my feet. the fact is, today i break my own rule, i break down my heart feeling.

viva la vida, cold play accompany me in this rainy evening. Feel warm, feel cold at the same time

Completely cover the shame and then pressing the buttons my cell phone. Never thought that I would ask for help from others, to study me, for my master's school finance.

Feel so stupid, when I had to look away when typing text messages and send them to some of my acquaintances. Shame, I really feel ashamed. This is my first time asking for help to others. Said in the hearts of God-oh-what I have done. I should not involve other people, do not bother other people. should I keep my fingers from asking for help to other people.

Time seemed suspended, i feel seems tht i was in the room which full of color. As described feeling colorful in my heart, feel about shame, about feel anxious in wait. And i am expect those who receive the message, do not read the messages I send.

Felt regret when i have to ask for help of others, to lend me some money. It feels like to hide or immerse myself in order to cover the shame. I shouldnt do that, bothering other, but what to do, i need it. Even i know my parents can help me, to pay my study. But, i cannt, for some reason, i cannt and i am trying not to accepted it.

I was felt so grateful when one of them said, could not help me, to lend his money on me. While others, not to reply to messages I send. anxious, but feel relieved, and hoping they do not read the messages I send and then forget about it. Feel shame, unable to rejection, but still feel grateful for the inevitable than to feel guilty, because it was inconvenient indebted to others. because i should not interfere with their busy time

I do not know, I was confused, embarrassed, feeling sorry, I should not ask for help from others. I should not bother other people. Oh God, I still hope to stand on my own feet, but if it is not please show me, give me the way out.